Indigo here.....other site offline yet again, no posted warning, nothing, feel naked without the daily check-in, feh....on home front, too many loose ends, too much dissconnectedness, and too many demands on time....now need to concentrate on stuff that was alreay done with, total time suck and waste.....feh. Ok, no use to complain, better to just tackle it, as in the Nike ad: JUST DO IT>....feh

Long time no blog....feh. Things very hectic, and rainy and overwhelming.....too much society, too much foodage too much of just about everything excepting solitude.....creeping against the times, slowly undulating like a little beasty in the morning....don't want to be awake, just let me drift, feh....too much to report on, but will attempt it later....

Ok, she blogs, shoe blogs, she blog blog blogs! journal not accessable, so posting here, in my just in case place....feh...missing posting and noting my faves....oh well, as Esperanta says: change is ever happening, get used to it...unless I want to pay, I am at the mercy of the fickle and temperamental freebees...lol. Much happening, internal shift, seeing things that are alas, not fortuitous to see, and yet clear vision can be both a curse and a boon....things with Simon deteriorating to a point that is unsalvagable, it's kind of like when you trust, and when you see the feet of clay.....not possible to strike it from the record, yes? Would love to be able to, so very much, I am able to forgive, and yet forgiveness doesn't rebuilt trust by itself, something has to happen at the other end, and it did not.....feh. Very very sad that, feel incredibly heartbroken over it, but there it is. What do you do when someone lets you down and doesn't want or is unable to see it? What do you do when the person cannot engage you, apologize, or even just acknowledge your feelings? it does not oggur well that he is unable to see me, truly see me, I have to deal with his limitations, and it is very difficult for me. makes me feel woeful, and scared, and hurt, and angry too.....amazing how often I feel that I must be the caretaker, that I must be careful, that it is up to me to protect and to hold another, even when the whole premise of the relationship is that they will take care of me....feh....odd, yes? maybe the problem is that I am too strong, that I am used to cradeling people and that I cosistantly pick those who do not know how to do this for me....I guess I pick weak people because that is all I know....transference indeed....ugh. I am SAD. Today, now, specially, I am truly sad.

This from a few days ago, when blogger did not allow me to post it.....Potato darling curled up with not a single whisker in sight....is there anything more endearing than a furball sleeping? :-)
Crazy day, although having a hard time getting strated, need to run into town, deliver work, even though it will cut into working day....so procrastinating, which helps precisely HOW??? Feh....idiota....loads of stuff to do,clear hallways for J to come and get xerox machine, actually it's a SHARP, this is a major undertaking, since I tend to be disorganixed....oh well.....better stop blogging and start getting....

Weekend eventful and blurry....M&A Saturday eve, after frantic working, for the trip....meeting up and going Chinese for dinner with A's extended family. Nice people if not exactly bossom buddy friend material.....in restaurant, in line whilst table-waiting, a bloke in head to toe PVC, and chain with locks....very racy, very yummy....oooooh! ;-) Loved it and chatted him up a bit, upshot being that we were eyeballing each other from our respective tables all evening....a late evening not home till all hours and then wakeful....Sunday Michael of to LA....hope I did manage to talk him into Chacago and Annie Lennox, even though that might mean a later check.....feh. Idiota! Lol....never manage to keep self-interest firmly in front of me....missing gene, I blame it on that....myself of to Long Guyland, and relatives, feh. Luckily escaped early, home, gym, drinks with friends....
Still woeful war stuff, but friend telling me that Michael Moore couragously spoke out at Oscars.....wow. Couldn't bear to watch myself, too banal, and usually too long.....Wonder if he'll ever get funding for his documentaries again? Feh....Must be hard, to believe something unpopular and to be ridiculed for it, although supposedly we have the right to say it, indeed we have the OBLIGATION. But there is always peer pressure. And so it goes on this Monday, a balmy springy day....

The Quiet American and ....well...ALL THAT WAR. Very good book, by Graham Greene, and movie just as well done. Michael Cane very on target, understated acting, but deeply felt. And very apropo to the times....feh. busy working day, tropical Pucci, in the midst of the world falling apart, still possible to work, eat, speak on the phone....cuddle, shop, etc etc....feels unreal, I feel unreal. Woeful isn't even the half of it.

War. When an elephant steps on an ant. We call that war. Sudden interruption of prgramming, very woeful, very disturbing. Feel anxiety and anger and just imense sadness. There is only one axis of evil: warmongering. Killing. Bombing.
Feh.