Ok, she blogs, shoe blogs, she blog blog blogs! journal not accessable, so posting here, in my just in case place....feh...missing posting and noting my faves....oh well, as Esperanta says: change is ever happening, get used to it...unless I want to pay, I am at the mercy of the fickle and temperamental freebees...lol. Much happening, internal shift, seeing things that are alas, not fortuitous to see, and yet clear vision can be both a curse and a boon....things with Simon deteriorating to a point that is unsalvagable, it's kind of like when you trust, and when you see the feet of clay.....not possible to strike it from the record, yes? Would love to be able to, so very much, I am able to forgive, and yet forgiveness doesn't rebuilt trust by itself, something has to happen at the other end, and it did not.....feh. Very very sad that, feel incredibly heartbroken over it, but there it is. What do you do when someone lets you down and doesn't want or is unable to see it? What do you do when the person cannot engage you, apologize, or even just acknowledge your feelings? it does not oggur well that he is unable to see me, truly see me, I have to deal with his limitations, and it is very difficult for me. makes me feel woeful, and scared, and hurt, and angry too.....amazing how often I feel that I must be the caretaker, that I must be careful, that it is up to me to protect and to hold another, even when the whole premise of the relationship is that they will take care of me....feh....odd, yes? maybe the problem is that I am too strong, that I am used to cradeling people and that I cosistantly pick those who do not know how to do this for me....I guess I pick weak people because that is all I know....transference indeed....ugh. I am SAD. Today, now, specially, I am truly sad.